


Constant Reminders

by Drama_Duchess



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen, Guilty Arthur, Hurt Merlin, Hurt/Comfort, No Slash, Scar-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-02
Updated: 2014-07-02
Packaged: 2018-02-07 03:53:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1884342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drama_Duchess/pseuds/Drama_Duchess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur accidentally discovers the gruesome scars that Merlin had been hiding. He demands an answer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Constant Reminders

**Title: Constant Reminders**

"Come on _Mer_ lin, stop being such a girl and join us!" Arthur teased, while flipping a strand of wet hair out of his eyes as he buoyed in the cool pristine rippling waters of the lake.

"The sun is shining, the birds are singing, there's not a single beast, or evil sorcerer, to slay. It's a fine day for a swim. Been a while since we've been this relaxed." Sir Gwaine voiced from a few feet away while doing a lazy backstroke. "You're entitled to have some fun you know."

"I'll just stay here. Nice and dry." Merlin insisted. He stood at the edge of the bank and watched on as Arthur and the knights enjoyed their midday swim. Articles of clothing were strewn on the grass, some hung from shrub branches, and still others lay scattered hurriedly among the rocks. Only Merlin stood fully clothed and had no intention of going into the water, as enticing as it seemed.

"So, you're just going to stand there and be the guardian of our clothes and boots. Is that it? All work and no fun make Merlin a dull boy." Arthur laughed and managed to playfully douse the servant with a splash of water.

Merlin frowned in annoyance and wiped the water off his face with a sleeve. He glared at the bare-chested, blond haired prince bobbing in the water. A few chuckles could be heard by the others who were swimming here and there, and having a marvelous time splashing about like a bunch of children.

"Don't you want to get even at least?" Arthur joked with a mischievous grin. "But that would mean you have to come into the water."

"That's not going to work." Merlin replied in a non-amused tone. He wished to get even, but instead, he let it slide. In another time, perhaps another place, he would've easily been convinced to join in on the fun. But so much has happened and things changed.

Merlin was no longer the carefree, happy-go-lucky boy from a simpler place. He had grown up so fast in such a short period of time that it scared him. Not only had his life been turned inside out because of his innate talent for magic, but the fact that he had to keep it hidden from everyone made him drift further and further into his own despair. His life was shrouded in secrecy for the sake of his own existence. Magic was something that defined him. It made him who he was. It was his identity. He couldn't deny it. No matter how bad things got, he knew in his heart that it was his duty to preserve the path of the future. And to do that meant ensuring Arthur lived long enough to be king.

Protecting Arthur from the darkness came with a hefty price. Merlin had faced many sorcerers and forces behind Arthur's back. His suffrage at the hands of the enemies - Arthur's enemies - nearly broke him. He became more withdrawn from everything and everyone. There were times long after dangerous quests had ended when he jumped at the smallest of noises. His nerves were frayed and nightmares haunted him from time to time. There were nights when it got so bad that Merlin cried himself to sleep in the recluse of his own bedroom. He dared tell no one, not even Gaius. But Gaius saw the change in the boy, and when questioned, Merlin always gave the same ambiguous answer - that he was "fine" or "just a little tired."

Merlin became quite passive and often spent his free time either gathering medicinal herbs for Gaius in the forest, or burying his nose in his book of spells. He declined multiple invitations to go to the tavern with Gwaine and Elyan. Merlin always claimed he had extra chores to tend to or that he wasn't feeling up to a night out on the town. He had the weight of the world upon his shoulders.

Merlin played the part of the clumsy servant well, though not all of it was an act. Sometimes, he became so caught up in something that he just didn't think. Merlin may be a part-time idiot, but he was anything but a coward. In fact, sometimes he was a little too brave. He was unafraid to speak up for himself and do what he thought was right. Because of this, trouble often found him in all the wrong places and at the most dangerous of instances. He could've paid dearly with his life at the hands of merciless sorcerers or under the claws of barbarous creatures. But when it came to Arthur's safety, he was willing to sacrifice it all and Arthur slowly came to realizing this destructive behavior. Arthur would never admit it, but he cared for Merlin like a blood-brother and would do all in his power to keep him safe from harm. Arthur may be oblivious to many things, but that one thing was crystal clear - he trusted Merlin with his life.

"Oh I get it! Merlin's _shy._ " Arthur taunted. "Come off it Merlin, there's no need to be shy. We've all got the same thing." This was followed by a cackle of hysterical laughter from the others.

"I'm not shy." Merlin defended, and suddenly reddened. Being shy had absolutely nothing to do with not wanting to bare himself. He had his reasons. Reasons he wasn't ready to reveal, at least not in this lifetime if he could help it.

"Then what is it? You used to be fun. You used to swim." Arthur said after noticing Merlin's reticence.

"It's nothing." Merlin replied sheepishly, like as if Arthur was able to see right through him. "I'd just like to sit this one out."

"You know what your problem is, Merlin? You always do the opposite of what I say. When you're supposed to work, you slack. When you're supposed to have fun, you work. Never do as you're told." Arthur shrugged and swam away.

With knees drawn to chest, Merlin sat upon a large flat rock at the water's edge. He glanced out into the hazy horizon and stared past the clouds, lost in his thoughts. The vastness of the lake glistened in hues of yellow, orange and silver. Merlin watched the sun's rays dance upon the water, making it sparkle like a treasure chest of jewels and gold. A flock of wild geese flew in a "V" formation across the sky, honking every so often. Sturdy beech trees grew around the lake, surrounding it like an army protecting its king. The treetops swayed when touched by a gentle breeze, causing the leaves to rustle. Merlin liked these quiet moments to himself when everything seemed perfect with the world. He allowed his mind to wander, though it always came back to one thing - wondering what the future held for him. He wondered if the ban on magic will ever be lifted. He wondered how much longer he had to live in secrecy. He wondered if or when the time came to reveal himself, would Arthur accept him. It was a lot to think about for a warlock in hiding. And he appeared as though he was miles away, losing track of time until a voice summoned him back to reality.

"Huh?" Merlin snapped his head to the direction of the voice calling his name. Arthur was bobbing like a cork in the water near the foot of the lake a few yards away from Merlin. The prince held out a hand.

"I said, pull me up." Arthur demanded in his usual princely voice.

Merlin got up and innocently extended a hand towards Arthur, trying to be of assistance. But as soon as Arthur took Merlin's hand, a mischievous grin formed on his face. With a quick yank, Arthur pulled Merlin into the lake. The prank caught Merlin by surprise as he plunged head first into the water creating a huge splash. It took Merlin a few seconds to scramble to the top.

"Prat!" Merlin gasped and choked as he broke the foamy surface. He glowered at the prince all the while treading water in his wet clothes. The other knights roared with side-splitting laughter.

"See, all you really needed was a little push, or in this case, pull." Arthur snickered. "I can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book."

Upon seeing the jovial expressions on each of the knight's faces, Merlin couldn't help but soften up just a little. After all, Arthur probably didn't mean anything nasty by it. His only intention was to have a bit of fun and show Merlin that it was alright to let his guard down sometimes. Merlin couldn't hold it against Arthur for being right. Soon enough, the scowl disappeared and an impish grin formed on the servant's lips. Just as Arthur opened his mouth to laugh, Merlin slapped a huge wave of water directly at Arthur's direction, causing the prince to suck in several mouthfuls. This time, it was Merlin doing the laughing.

Arthur gagged and coughed the water out of his nose. His first reaction was - _how dare his servant allowed him to be the receiving end of a joke in front of his knights!_ But before his face could well up in anger, he realized that Merlin was laughing. It was a refreshing sound that he hadn't heard in a long time. Arthur decided to let him off the hook just this once.

"It's not so bad, is it now? Loosen up, Merlin. It's not every day we get to be this carefree. Enjoy it while you can." Arthur advised.

"That's sound advice. But right now, I'd prefer to be dry." Merlin proceeded to swim back to land.

He'd had enough "fun" for one day. He figured if he hurried, he could dry his clothes in front of a fire before the others got out of the lake and no one would ever see the secret that he so desperately tried to hide. Arthur watched Merlin climb out of the lake in disbelief. He thought Merlin would give in and end up being one of the boys. But instead, that brief moment of happiness went as soon as it came. Arthur noticed an overcast hanging over Merlin lately like as if something was constantly preventing him from being happy and free. He, too, realized change in Merlin. It would be foolhardy to deny that Arthur hadn't noticed anything different about his manservant. Merlin practically went everywhere with him. He'd have to be completely ignorant and blind to not notice something at the very least. Arthur was not the type of person who would shrug it off as nothing and let it go, especially when it came to his best friend. That was another thing. He would never admit just how much he valued Merlin's friendship. Not many princes would consider a lowly servant to be their best friend. Though, Merlin wasn't "lowly" anymore. In fact, Arthur didn't see Merlin as a "servant" either. Of course in front of others, he had to keep up appearances and act as a disciplinary master. But in his heart, Arthur cared about Merlin and if something was amiss, he wanted to know.

Merlin immerged out of the water sopping wet from head to foot. The wet clothes clinging to Merlin's willowy frame made him appear even skinnier. Arthur's eyes followed Merlin until he disappeared behind some bushes. He was pretty sure something was wrong and Arthur was determined to figure out what it was. So, shortly after Merlin went off to build a fire, Arthur climbed out of the lake, dressed himself and headed in the direction that Merlin had gone.

Merlin sat in front of the fire, unaware that Arthur had sneaked up behind him. It wasn't his intention to sneak up behind his friend. It was just that Arthur's footsteps have always been quiet. He stood just a few yards away, studying the back of Merlin's wet matted black hair. He watched Merlin untie his neckerchief and hung it on a branch by the fire. He had already shed off his jacket, boots and socks, which were nicely toasting up by the hearth. At that moment, Arthur really was sorry that he dragged Merlin into the lake against his will. He ought to have respected Merlin's wishes instead of forcing him to do something he didn't want to do. He decided to apologize. Little did Arthur know that in a few seconds more, he would feel even sorrier for what he had done.

Merlin proceeded to peel off his blue tunic over the top of his head and just as he'd done so, he unknowingly revealed to Arthur the secret he'd been hiding for several months. There, across the whole of his bare back, were long scars left by four whip marks. A distinctive, thin, ropy dark brown scar that began at his left shoulder extended to about the mid of his back. The remaining three marks that randomly crisscrossed each other were less evident, but nonetheless, visible. The wounds appeared to have been healed quite a while ago, leaving prominent disfigurement. He was shocked at the horrific sight of the scars. It rendered him speechless.

It suddenly dawned on Arthur why Merlin was so reluctant on swimming. This was the "something" that Merlin didn't want anyone to see. This was the secret Merlin was carrying. Arthur thought bitterly, _How could he keep this from me? Did he not trust me enough to think that I wouldn't care? Why did he feel he must carry the weight by himself?_ The reason for Merlin's grim change in behavior was clear to Arthur now. It also explained Merlin's jumpiness. Sometimes, the slightest noise would set him off. He cursed himself for not finding out about this sooner.

Judging from the extent of the scarring, Arthur cringed at the amount of pain Merlin must've endured. His wide eyes stared at the marks as a sea of emotions exploded in his mind. He tried to remember how Merlin could've gotten them without him knowing about it. But somehow, all the quests, missions, wars, battles - everything meshed together in his brain and he couldn't put his finger on any specific event. This wasn't just a scrape or a bruise. This was something far more serious than an accident. Someone purposely did this to Merlin and left a ghastly permanent mark. Seeing the scars angered him and as much as Merlin wanted to keep this a secret, Arthur wanted answers.

"Merlin." Arthur called, confronting his friend. Although Arthur's voice was soft and full of compassion, Merlin was so startled that he nearly fell over. He whipped around to see Arthur standing only a few feet away from where he sat. Merlin clutched his wadded up wet blue tunic to his chest. All color had vanished from his face. He looked like he'd seen a ghost. Even the knuckles on his hands were white. Merlin didn't know why his heart was pounding so heavily against his chest, especially since it was only Arthur that called him. Anxiety, fright, and panic washed over him and a hint of nausea tickled the back of his throat. He thought he was going to be sick.

Merlin's big glassy blue eyes followed Arthur as he came and took a seat right in front of him. It wasn't until Merlin released his tight hold on his tunic that Arthur saw the fifth scar. This angry scar was about three inches long slanting from under his left ribcage and extending towards his back. Merlin could feel Arthur's eyes scanning the scars on his torso. Merlin felt small and humiliated. He avoided Arthur's eye contact and lowered his eyes to stare at a spot on the ground. He had no idea what excuse he could possibly give for this. There was nothing believable that he could say, so he just remained quiet.

"This is what you've been hiding." Arthur said. His voice was surprisingly calm and steady. He was holding his anger back. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Didn't want you to worry. 'sides, I'm fine." Merlin found his voice.

"You're not fine, Merlin. Those scars, how did you get them?" Arthur asked.

"It really doesn't matter anymore." Merlin sighed, hoping Arthur would just let it go. But somehow he knew he wasn't going to get away with it this time.

"It does to me." Arthur spewed. Merlin continued to stare at the spot on the ground. "I know a thing or two about injuries. You don't just get scars like that from falling off a tree. Someone did that to you. I want to know who." This time, Arthur failed to mask the anguish in his tone.

Arthur needed to know who was responsible for this heinous act. Perhaps Arthur would not have cared as much if this had happened to some stranger. But this was Merlin. The same Merlin who stood by him through thick and thin. The Merlin who fought for and with him. The Merlin who taught him how to be compassionate and helped him become a better prince. The Merlin who gave him sensible advice even when he refused to seek it. The Merlin who did everything selflessly and in the interest of the kingdom. The Merlin who was his friend. No one should be able to harm a hair on his head. But Arthur somehow allowed this to happen. If he hadn't been so caught up with things, he would've noticed what was happening with Merlin. He needed to make amends. He needed vengeance for Merlin.

No words passed Merlin's lips. He just sat there, still holding onto his wet tunic like a security blanket. His heart was beating so loud in his ears that he could swear Arthur heard it as well. He swallowed the salty lump in his throat.

" _Who?_ " Arthur demanded authoritatively. He saw the tears behind Merlin's eyes when the servant finally looked up. For the first time, Arthur noticed that Merlin was trembling. The petrified and helpless expression on Merlin's face was enough to make Arthur go mad. "Merlin. Who?" Arthur raised his voice.

"Cenred." Merlin muttered and quickly turned away.

"Cenred." Arthur spat, knowingly. With that one word, Arthur remembered. His fists balled up and teeth clenched in anger.

A few months ago, Arthur, Merlin, and the knights were travelling through Essetir, a kingdom ruled by Cenred, to get to the Tomb of Ashkanar, when the group was ambushed by Cenred's men. Outnumbered, they fought as hard as they could to defend themselves and escape. Scattered in distance, Merlin was eventually captured and brought before Cenred. Only when Arthur and the knights regrouped did they realize one of their own was missing. Distraught and tormented at the idea that his best friend had fallen into enemy hands, Arthur relentlessly searched for Merlin. He wouldn't leave Merlin behind, knowing what Cenred was capable of. Arthur and the knights finally tracked the men's route and followed them to Cenred's castle. It took a while for Arthur and company to locate and figure out how to free Merlin. And when they finally did, some hours had passed and night had drawn. Merlin was found alive and locked in a cell in the dungeons. It was so dark that without a torch, one could not see the hands in front of them. Arthur and the others quickly gathered Merlin and departed before Cenred realized anything was out of order. Merlin was only held captive for a few hours, but during those few hours, Arthur had no idea what Merlin had gone through.

"Tell me." The prince demanded.

"Arthur, please." Merlin begged. The last thing he wanted was to relive the nightmare.

"I demand an answer." Arthur pressed. His mouth was terribly parched. He knew something gruesome was about to be told but he had to hear it. Merlin hesitated and gave a deep breath before speaking.

"They shackled me." Merlin's voice grew faint. "And-and brought me to Cenred. He wanted to know what purpose we had to be travelling through his kingdom." Merlin looked up to meet Arthur's eyes. "I told him nothing. I didn't tell him we were looking for the last dragon egg. I swear, I didn't. Then he wanted me to betray you by disclosing your location. I couldn't do that. I would never betray you, Arthur."

This was true. Arthur understood the devotion Merlin had for him. He would die before betraying his prince. And besides, if Merlin had in fact fingered Arthur's direction, they too, would've been captured by Cenred's men. Arthur listened and remained silent, absorbing Merlin's words.

"When I refused to answer any of his questions, he decided to beat it out of me." Merlin's voice shook. "He-he took out a whip. The pain was unbearable but I held my tongue. I never gave any information. I don't remember anything after the third lash. I must've passed out because the next thing I knew, I was lying in that cell."

Fury and animosity pulsed in Arthur's veins. His face softened when he saw a tear sliding down Merlin's face, which Merlin quickly wiped away. Arthur wondered why he did not stop to inspect Merlin's wounds at the time. They were so focused on escaping and returning to Camelot that he never thought for a moment that Merlin might be hurt. Cenred's evilness enraged Arthur. For him to continue beating a man who was already unconscious was just cruel and merciless. Arthur imagined Merlin lying there, still and oblivious, being flogged two more times. The image made him both angry and full of misery. He came to the realization that Merlin could've easily died by Cenred's hand. Arthur was consumed with guilt. It was his fault for not keeping a closer eye on Merlin. He would've done anything in his power to protect Merlin, even turn himself in. Perhaps Arthur believed he could withstand pain far better than Merlin ever could.

"I figured if I was going to die, I was going to die being loyal to you." Merlin stammered.

"Merlin, I trust you with my life. But I would never let you die for me. You are too valuable." Arthur found himself revealing his vulnerable side. But this was the truth. He loved Merlin like a brother. "I'm ashamed that I wasn't there in time to save you from the torture. This should not have happened to you." Arthur's eyes travelled down to Merlin's scars and suddenly he felt an adrenaline rush consuming his body. It was rage, terror, desperation, anxiety, anger, and outrage all combined. "I'll kill him. I swear, I'll kill him. I'll hunt the bastard down and I'll kill him." Arthur cried wildly.

"This is the reason why I didn't want to tell you." Merlin said.

"You should've told me. You should've said something. Cenred hurt you. He beat you and caused this...this life-long reminder." Arthur said, getting more riled up. "I allowed this to happen."

"It's not your fault."

"If only I had seen where you were, you would not have been captured. You would've been safe." Arthur said bitterly.

"You can't always keep tabs on me."

Merlin had his reasons for "disappearing" from the plain sight. It was the only way he could use his magic without being seen. He hid behind a thick tree trunk and "accessed" the situation as best he could before one of Cenred's men nabbed him from behind. Arthur and the knights were unsuspecting of the magic that loamed in their favor. For a while, it seemed to be doing a world of good. But the men seemed to swarm over the hill and it was only a matter of time before they were defeated. Prior to being captured, Merlin was able to create an invisible barrier, blocking the new swarm of soldiers from reaching Arthur and the knights. This gave them an advantage in retreating and making good distance. Merlin never counted on being captured. Perhaps he felt a little too bold and didn't think anything could touch him, especially since he had magic on his side. But he was so wrong. He underestimated Cenred's men. Once he was restrained, he couldn't summon his magic no matter how hard he tried.

"I wish there was something I could've done." Arthur watched Merlin hang his tunic on a branch in front of the fire with a shaky hand.

"You came for me. That's more than enough." Merlin said. "You saved my life."

"I wasn't going to let you die there." Arthur began. He paused and continued in a softer tone. "All the pain you've suffered. Merlin, I'm so sorry."

"Don't tell me you're feeling guilty now for making me muck out the stables a few weeks ago." Merlin said with a nervous laugh, trying to make light of the situation.

"If I had known, I would've ordered you to stay in bed."

"Exactly, which is also why I didn't want to tell you. I would be miserable doing nothing all day."

Arthur noticed that the wounds must've been pretty deep to produce scars like that. The scar under Merlin's rib cage had turned a tannish, pink color. It healed evenly and didn't look too threatening. But the large one across his back was a sight. If taken a closer look, small impressions of the knots in the braid of the whip could be actually be seen in the grooves of the welt. It must've been a painful wound - the burning and intense pain of exposed raw flesh. Arthur winced and wondered how on earth Merlin was able to hide his recovery from him. There was only one person who had to have known about this and aided Merlin.

"Gaius knew, didn't he?" Arthur concluded.

Merlin reluctantly nodded. "Please don't be mad at him. He really wanted to tell you. In fact, his first instinct was to go to you. But I pleaded him not to say anything. Besides, it wasn't so bad. He gave me medication for the pain." The servant rambled.

"I had the right to know. I'm your friend. I care what happens to you." Arthur said grievously. For a lack of words, a few tears rolled down Merlin's face. He was not only touched by Arthur's words, but he was so full of self-pity that he just couldn't hold it in. His chin quivered and a few more tears fell.

The tears told Arthur how traumatized Merlin was after this ordeal. It explained Merlin's jumpiness lately and how he constantly appeared nervous. Arthur promised to be gentler to Merlin considering the circumstances. He had to show Merlin that he wasn't alone. After all, Arthur should've known that Merlin was not used to the things he was used to. Arthur was brought up to be fearless because he was the Prince of Camelot. He fought all sorts of evil his entire life. He was a champion fighter and a fixture in the Pendragon Army. Arthur realized that Merlin wouldn't have had the same exposure. It wasn't fair to Merlin being dragged into this violence. Arthur never meant for any harm - physical or emotional - to come to Merlin. But he had no idea the sort of turmoil Merlin faced.

Somewhere in the direction of the lake, the animated voices of the knights were heard. They were immersed in trivial conversation, followed by bursts of laughter and the usual carefree guffawing. The clarity of their voices, made it known that they were out of the water and would be headed towards the fire soon. Merlin tensed up and his face suddenly became pale and ashy again. He sat there with arms loosely crossing his chest like as if he was either cold or ashamed of his nakedness. Without having to say a word, Arthur grabbed one of his own spare shirts and tossed it at Merlin.

"Here, put this on." Arthur advised, reading Merlin's mind. It surprised Merlin a little because he half-expected Arthur to go blabbing his new discovery to his knights. But this act gave Merlin back his dignity. Merlin quickly pulled the tunic over his head. It was slightly too big on him but nonetheless, it served its function.

"You're not going to tell them?" Merlin said.

"It is clearly not my secret to tell." Arthur replied.

"Thank you." Merlin murmured, avoiding eye contact.

"In the future, Merlin, promise me that you will tell me everything...especially, God forbid, if something like this should happen again." Arthur placed a hand on Merlin's shoulder. "Being beaten is not a matter to be taken lightly. I'm sure you had your reasons for not telling me - maybe you were scared, or embarrassed or didn't think it was that bad, whatever the case, I don't want you to think that I wouldn't care." He paused and sighed. "I may not show it, but your well-being is important to me. Cenred could've killed you. If he had done that, I never would've forgiven myself." The seriousness in his tone caused Merlin to look up. "Promise me."

Merlin found it hard to speak because of the thick lump forming in his throat again, so he nodded.

"Now I see why you've been so ... different lately." Arthur said. "When we get back to Camelot, I'm ordering you to take some time off, to recover properly. No arguments." He said when Merlin was about to interject. "Your health is first priority. Seriously, you've gotten quite thin and besides, you need to put the color back into your cheeks. I can't have _my_ servant walking around the castle looking like a ghost. I know you haven't been eating, so I will have the kitchens send you three meals a day. You will finish it. Gaius will see to it."

On that note, Leon and Gwaine appeared, followed by Elyan and Percival, who have since dried themselves off and dressed. There was a mixture of menial conversation as they made their way to where Arthur and Merlin sat. As they took a seat in front of the fire, it was hard not to notice a hint of melancholy that hung over the prince and servant.

"Nothing. I just learned that Merlin's not feeling well. I really shouldn't have pulled him into the water. It might've made matters worse." Arthur answered when Percival asked why the sudden change in mood. They all looked at Merlin, who, at that point, looked like he was going to hurl. "And I'm sorry." Arthur said to Merlin, who just waved it off like it was nothing.

"Yes, he does seem a little green." Gwaine chimed in after studying Merlin. "You should've said something."

_Oh, not this again._ Merlin thought.

"Well, it's nothing a long sleep wouldn't fix...and a nice hot bowl of rabbit stew. It ought to hit the spot." Elyan advised.

"Come to think of it, we could all use a nice hot bowl of stew. I'm looking forward to heading back to Camelot." Leon said. "Merlin, you need to eat."

Food was the last thing on Merlin's mind. He didn't feel hungry at all. Perhaps the only thing that he did crave was some sleep. He wondered how the knights would've reacted if they'd seen the scars. He figured it would be along the same lines of how Arthur reacted - guilt, worry, angry, and a desire for revenge. Merlin didn't like to be the center of attention and he never saw himself as an important being. It never occurred to him that he being dead or alive would matter so much to anyone. All his life, he had to fend for himself. He never needed anyone to be on his side because he had magic. Magic helped him become who he was. It consoled him on the saddest day. It helped him when jobs got too tough. It brought him joy. It was his true companion.

When Merlin arrived in Camelot, he never thought he would find a friend, especially not a friend in the spoiled prince. They hated each other from the start. There was no way in hell they could ever get along. Merlin thought Arthur was too conceited and self-absorbed. Arthur thought Merlin was too opinionated and chirpy. They were polar opposites yet somehow, as time passed, they came to an understanding of each other. The bond, the friendship, the amount of loyalty they had for each other was something that no one saw coming. Merlin suddenly understood his destiny and why he had to secure Camelot's future. He had to do to it at all costs, even if it meant being sacrificial. Because of this, Merlin felt he had to hold the weight of the world on his shoulders. He didn't think anyone would understand, not even Gaius. Merlin's existence mattered to Arthur and hearing the words from Arthur's mouth made Merlin realize his importance.

Arthur stole a couple of worried glances at Merlin's direction. The servant was keeping himself occupied with his semi-dried clothes by the fire, giving them a shake every now and then to speed up the drying process. Arthur meant what he said - that he cared about Merlin. He saw how fragile Merlin had become. It wasn't like Merlin to be spooked so badly at any random noise. And the trembles, why hadn't he noticed them before? Arthur wondered what other trauma Merlin was going through that he wasn't saying. He needed to cap things off before they got out of hand. The last thing he wanted was to see Merlin break. He needed to help Merlin heal.

Thereafter, every time Arthur closed his eyes, he saw the ugly sight of those horrible scars crisscrossing on Merlin's torso. They had a permanent impression stamped in his mind. The only way he could ease his guilt was if he shared in Merlin's pain and torture. While Merlin carried physical scars, Arthur secretly bore them like as if they were his own. It fueled his anger and actively reminded him of what he would do to Cenred when next they meet.

**The End**


End file.
